MVC's Devilish Ways

I began submitting to MVC about 1 year ago and it's been 12 months of devilishly pushed limits and  savoring new experiences.  A recent session typifies how she builds each session as the next step in the journey she's taking you on.

The day of an impending session with MVC  is filled with the pleasant anxiety of not quite knowing  where she'll take you once you enter the room. This day provided an earlier than usual clue. Two hours before our session I received a text from MVC instructing me to arrive with binder clips attached to my nipples, with weights attached to tug them lower, and my cock and balls bound for her. The last hour of my day was spent finding ( and yes, trying on) binder clips that were at least bearable for some period of time and then scrambling for a suitable weight.

By the time I arrived at MVC's door I was uncomfortable and anxious in the best way possible. I was greeted with a devilish  wink and a soft order from MVC... " Let's see how well you followed my instructions". She must have been pleased because it lead to sharp twisting and pulling on the clamps and adding another, tighter layer of CBB.

MVC led me by the leash tight around my balls to the me to the opposite side of the room and quickly  had me stretched out and spread eagled.  MVC wound more rope around my already tight and swollen balls. She lashed them to the bottom of the bed so any movement stretched them farther away from my body.  

My sessions with MVC have always had heavy doses of CBT and Nipple Torment combined with her truly evil tease and denial skills. Early on, she introduced me to the overwhelming sensations of creative anal play and lying there....stretched out, swollen and open to her every whim I wondered what MVC had in store for me this evening.  I was given a clue when she tugged on a nipple clamp and whispered " How many day's were your nipples sore after your last session?"  "Two days, Mistress" I answered.

" Well, we'll have to do much better than that" was whispered in return.

From there, MVC led me on  ride of eroticism, blissful torment and artfully applied kink. Nipple clamps were put on, tugged, twisted and taken off...only to be replaced by sharp bites, pinches and twists. Pulsating electrics were applied to my still tightly bound cock and balls  and, eventually to my anus. MVC was there for every sensation, grinning, coaxing and teasing me until all the sensations seemed to run together. Asking for permission to cum eventually became begging; and more begging. Finally, MVC allowed my release and then slowly fed it to me.  

The session ended as they always do. Being completely spent, thankful  and anxious for the next stop on MVC's journey.

More at maxfisch

HAPPY CHASTITY-VERSARY!

This is a continuation of slave a's trip down the rabbit hole of devotion to Me. To celebrate this...I had him go through TSA with his chastity device on..among many other things.  It has been pure bliss watching slave a evolve. What once was never thought of, has now become his reality. Enjoy:

Celebrating One Year of Sweetly Sadistic Bliss

Miss Victoria Cayne has pushed and stretched me as a submissive further than I’d ever imagined. For each new torment She’s inflicted upon me, I’ve felt the rewards in my service to Her tenfold.

 

It had been nearly one year since I first began serving MVC, and my life had already been transformed in so many ways.

 

One year ago, I could never have predicted that I’d be granted the honor of serving such an amazing Domme. Or that I would find my cock locked in a steel cage with the keys safely in her care on the opposite side of the country.

 

The last time we had played together was in San Francisco. MVC had left me completely denied, and I had left Her with the keys to my cage along with a self addressed envelope to do with as She pleased.

 

When it came time to fly from LA to New York for a two month gig, I found myself inside a TSA screening room haplessly explaining to the two officers that I couldn’t remove what had set off the body scan. After being forced to show them the offending metal object, it was hard to tell who was more embarrassed: them or me.

 

After arriving in New York, I still had no idea how long MVC planned to keep me locked. Until then the longest I’d ever been caged had been a little over a week. Surely she’d release me before our next planned session over four weeks away! But alas, days quickly turned to weeks, then torturously to over a month!

 

The cage ensured that I woke up each and every morning frustrated and straining and with my submission to MVC on the forefront of my mind.

 

When would the key arrive?! I checked the mail daily, but who knew if Mistress had even sent it.

 

At a certain point, I was so mind fucked that I almost wanted to stay locked. It had been so long that it seemed like it would almost be unceremonious to be let out before the next time I saw Mistress.

 

As our one-year anniversary approached, I finally caught sight of the envelope in my mailbox. The key once again in my possession, I frantically emailed: “Is it ok if I unlock?” Her quick reply left me completely crestfallen: “Absolutely NOT!”

 

I’d never felt so desperate in my entire life...

 

The evening of our anniversary, I got another email from MVC:

“Happy year. What are you doing tonight?”

 

Quick segue to me collared at home with a Bluetooth butt plug filling my ass. I logged into the app for the wearable toy, and before I knew it I was being totally anally dominated by MVC from across state lines.

 

MVC: “Every time you get excited you know you are to lick it up for Me.”

me: “Yes, Mistress. I can already tell this is going to be more intense than usual after all this time locked.

 

It’s not the first time MVC has controlled me this way. Over time, I’ve begun to learn the names of Her favorite patterns to torture me with when she isn’t assuming direct control of Her toy. Names like: ’10 Minutes of Hell’ and ‘Moan. Scream. Repeat.’ Each one more torturous than the last—leaving me breathless and panting.

 

me: “I’m so hard, Mistress. I’m completely pressed against the bars of my cage.”

MVC: “It’s only going to get worse. But it is all for me.”

 

For over two hours, MVC expertly worked my ass over with the toy. I was so desperate for release, but Mistress was unrelenting. Instructing me to edge with two fingers with what little stimulation I could muster between the bars of my custom steel chastity cage.

 

MVC: “Now at 2am on the dot, while you remain locked, you are to bring yourself to orgasm. Clean it up. Then when you have finished and are still locked let Me know”

me: “Yes, Mistress. I will do my best. I’m so close—but I’ve never managed to cum while locked before”

MVC: ”There’s a first time for everything. If it doesn’t happen at 2am on the dot, no orgasm and you will remain locked. You can’t cum, you are denied. And if you cum at an inappropriate time, you will remain locked.”

 

I feverously tried to bring myself to orgasm as instructed.  I was so wonderfully edged and so desperately close! It had been over five weeks and I wanted to cum more than anything.  But the cage was too restrictive. If only the plug stimulated my prostate a little more directly or I was able to get more direct vibration on the cage.

 

I lay defeated on the bed in a pool of my own sweat as I meekishly confessed to MVC my failure. As punishment, Mistress continued to dominate me with the plug with some of the most torturous of the vibration patterns in her arsenal.

 

After all the weeks in chastity and the hours of generous attention and brutal torment, I was granted mercy.

 

me: “I’m sorry if I disappointed You”

MVC: “You are to get on your knees.”

me: “I am so grateful to be Your toy.”

MVC: “Take the key and unlock.”

me: “Thank You, Mistress.”

MVC: “Take the cage off.”

me: “Yes, Mistress”

MVC: “you will cum now.”

 

It felt like the cum had been ripped out of me. Intense pleasure gave way to painful sensations I’d never felt before as parts of my anatomy went into shock after not having been used for so long. It felt only fitting that my pleasure should come at a price.

 

MVC: “Happy anniversary!”

me: “Thank You!!!! Happy Anniversary, Mistress!”

 

I feel asleep with a smile on my face, Mistress’s collar on my neck, and endorphins buzzing through my blood. I was completely used and totally owned and so very grateful to be Miss Victoria Cayne’s slave.

 

It wouldn’t be long at all before I was locked back in chastity—completely helpless, and right where I belong.

Locked, Denied, Controlled, Edged: slave's A's extended time in Chastity

The saying absence makes the heart grow fonder may be true in some sense, but when you are exploring chastity and a bluetooth anally controlled device, "challenged", may replace the word fonder, in some sense ;) slave A originally began seeking out scenes as a form of instant gratification, as a lot of us do. Those have a special place for me as well. However, upon our first meeting, it was clear slave A and I had the right chemistry that we were both interested in exploring another session. He has never seen a Mistress more than one time. Chastity had loosely been on his mind, along with a lot of other things, but here we are, under a year later, with him in LA, me in Philadelphia, aside from my exploits in every other city, and our relationship has deepened. slave A now realizes the challenges of being submissive and the dedication it takes to continue this from across the country. Needless to say, these past few months have been challenging for him, especially since he is new to chastity, but they have been so much fun for me ;) Enjoy.

 

After relocating to the West Coast for the last few months, serving Miss Victoria Cayne in-person has gotten a bit more difficult. It had been nearly eight weeks since our last encounter—and though I had been locked in chastity on and off and had served Her in other ways from afar—my excitement could hardly be contained to be travelling back east for a week or so to celebrate my birthday in New York and once again visit Her exquisitely appointed dungeon in Philadelphia for whatever sweetly sadistic torments and delights She had in store.

Mistress had wisely suggested that since it had been so long since we had seen one another that we plan on two sessions—one at the beginning and one at the end of my big birthday trip. I was going to be staying with some family friends in Manhattan and told MVC that I was planning on locking myself up in chastity in anticipation of our first visit once I had arrived and settled at their apartment. But Mistress wanted me to lock myself up as soon as I had gotten through security at LAX, and so I knew I had little choice but to obey. It was for my own good after all… As I waited for my bag to pass through the x-ray at the security checkpoint, I swore I saw the TSA agent manning the monitor give me a smirking look. I quickly found a bathroom stall at the terminal and secured the heavy metal cage with the click of the padlock. I had never flown in chastity before, but with a 6+ hour flight ahead of me, I was about to become a master!

Thankfully, my first trip down to Philly came within 3-4 days. That’s usually when the first wave of desperation to get out of the cage arrives--but the excitement of being back in New York and the anticipation of seeing MVC saw me through. As I caught up with friends, mentors, and colleagues, I wondered how many noticed the bulge in my jeans created by the silhouette of the stainless steel enclosure. By the day of our first session, the 2 hour bus ride to Pennsylvania seemed longer than the  cross country flight I had just taken. Delays due to traffic were but a prelude to the exquisite tease and denial in store for me that afternoon.

I had offered little in the way of interests or a specific direction so I had no idea what was coming my way. As we’ve developed trust with one another, I’ve found that the power exchange has been so much more rewarding feeling like the session is based on how Mistress wants to shape me and where She wants to take me rather than what I may be craving that week. Even when the activity is painful or pushes me, I’m able to take pleasure in the belief that I’m pleasing Her. In fact, I don’t think I’d find any pleasure in being locked in chastity were it not for the fact that my predicament was of Her devising...

Once again, I was left in awe of how expertly MVC is able to layer torturous and sensual sensations!

Thoroughly restrained, gagged, and secured, I knew from the moment Mistress began expertly working over my prostate that I was gone! That horrible, but wonderful feeling of being trapped at the edge—my body signally to my brain that I’m about to pee or orgasm but unable to do either. Both my body and my cock were on lockdown, and I suspected I wouldn't be getting any release that day.

 

 

Some corporal torment and a birthday spanking came next. Even though I don’t consider myself a masochist, I was happy to take the pain for my Mistress. I know serving Her won’t always be pleasurable for me and that it only deepens my submission to be pushed for Her amusement and enjoyment.

 

 

Next came, cascading waves of electro-torture to my still locked cock and balls. The sensations were incredible and kept my brain delightfully off-balance.

 

 

MVC truly pulled out all the stops, and I was given my first introduction to Her fucking machine! The unrelenting electricity, combined with the unrelenting penetration, mixed with the strain of my/Her cock against the steel bars of the chastity cage while completely restrained, gagged, and blindfolded… Mistress and I have tossed the words ‘mind-blowing’ around before, but any other phrase is completely insufficient to describe the experience!

 

 

The session ended with an electric plug that was nothing short of magic—and mixed with Her expert CBT and forced foot smelling, I was left exhausted, quivering, and blue-balled with no release in sight.

 

 

I was to spend the rest of my trip in chastity, and Mistress sent me back to New York still locked and in safe possession of the only keys to the device!

 

Here I was on my birthday: locked in chastity for Miss Victoria Cayne—frustrated, on edge, teetering between anguish and euphoria… “right where I belong” and loving every minute of it. What a gift!

 

Having been so ruthlessly and expertly teased, the rest of the week was definitely a challenge. It was plenty of a struggle just trying not to leak all over my friend’s guest sheets as I desperately waited for ‘Round 2’ after MVC returned from Her latest tour. I was so bothered that basic, everyday encounters began to take on an erotic edge...

 

I don’t have a fetish for medical play, but when I went to the dentist for a routine cleaning--I found myself straining against the bars as the attractive hygienist poked, prodded, and caused all manner of pain...  

Grabbing coffee with a colleague that I’d gone on a couple of dates back in the day got a tad awkward fast as tales of her ‘toying’ with my intern at my birthday party flooded my mind with Femdom fantasies...

And I learned very quickly that power-walking through the streets of Manhattan took a toll on my swollen, full balls and that I needed to plan on a little extra travel time to accommodate…

 

Finally, the day arrived for my next trip to Philadelphia before having to return to the West Coast. Mercifully, there wasn’t any traffic, and I arrived right on time for the full day ahead. Mistress had generously set aside the day for not only our session but to allow me to serve Her in other ways. So before we were to play, I was allowed to the privilege of washing and cleaning out Her car. It was a scorching hot day, but Mistress made sure I was fed and hydrated--including a mouthful of Her spit. Though I was eager for time in the dungeon after my birthday week of chastity adventures, I took genuine pride and pleasure in being able to serve MVC in a practical and helpful way before She hit the road once again with Mistress Ava.

 

After my work was approved: I showered, changed, and met MVC back down in the dungeon. Once again I had no idea what plans She had for me.

 

Before I knew it, I was blindfolded, gagged, and restrained to the wall. All of my senses were dialed up to an ‘eleven’. Each touch felt electric--though I’m convinced that some of them were quite literally! I had never been so desperate, so teased, so denied. I had done my best to stay clear headed during my 10+ days locked up, but now that I was in the powerful presence of Miss Victoria Cayne, I was beginning to understand the true meaning of helplessness.  Soon I was secured to the spanking bench and hooded. What followed can only be described as total anal domination as I was ravaged by MVC’s strap-on and all manner of toys!

 

 

Convinced that my ass had reached its limit for the day, my cock at last was released from its cage--but I was not to experience freedom yet. I was moved into Mistress’s leather body bag and tied down to the bondage bed. Now in an open-mouth gag, I was reduced to nothing more but a drooling toy as MVC teased me with a vibrator and forced me to smell Her fragrant feet on this unseasonably hot day. Time lost all meaning as I seemed to cry and moan for an eternity. Finally, I was given permission for release and before I knew it: I was being fed my load through the open gag.

Still lying bound in the bag, I felt both a simultaneous weightlessness and heaviness wash over me. It was a sense of complete peacefulness. I could have stayed right there entombed in leather for hours…

Each encounter with Miss Victoria Cayne is better than the last. Each session my limits are pushed further--but never broken. Each time I become more and more Hers. I am so grateful to have found MVC and so thankful for this incredible journey we have begun

Recent Review of Ava St. Marks & yours truly on Max Fisch

In my 17 years of doing this, I have always enjoyed playing with other Mistresses. However, the chemistry Ava St. Marks and I have is completely unmatched and truly spiritual. A heavy player of 25 plus years, nysubjack, recently took the time to write about his experience serving the both of us. 

Enjoy! 

I was considering how best to share with my fellow MFers my experience from a very recent extended doubles session with two amazing Dommes, Mistresses Ava St. Marks and Victoria Cayne (MVC). While all of the usual descriptors like "amazing, mind shattering and a lifetime memory" would be easily applicable here, I also think those adjectives are a little too common in reviews like this. I wanted to provide a little more substance to the review that might give more insight to my experience. 

I used the words "quality time" in the post title because that is what you can expect when you surrender yourself to these Ladies. Everything about this session was of the highest quality. Scheduling the session was simple and straight forward. In fact, I felt like I was scheduling a fun outing with two friends rather than a Professional domination session. 

When I arrived it was obvious that the Ladies had given serious consideration to my huge leather and boot fetish as both Ladies looked stunning in their thigh high boots. Since I had already sessioned several time with Mistress Ava, She quickly introduced me to Mistress Victoria Cayne (MVC). MVC was delightful, greeted me warmly and told me that she was excited and looking forward to playing with one of Ava's subs. From the welcome I received from the two of them, I knew that I had made a GREAT decision to schedule this session. Again, I have to use the word Quality. The Ladies were attired in high end fetish wear, and both Ladies looked gorgeous. The introduction and small talk that followed was warm and genuine, and I was totally at ease as we descended the stairs to Ava's basement dungeon.

I have had the pleasure of serving many highly accomplished Dommes in my 25 years of involvement in BDSM and I have seen a great many well appointed dungeons and play spaces. Mistress Ava's dungeon is among the very best. Again, the word quality comes to mind. Her collection includes a tremendous selection of high end furniture pieces that will accommodate any desire. If you can think of it, you will likely find it in Mistress Ava's dungeon. I won't try to list every piece of furniture and all the equipment that she has, but you can check out the list for yourself at www.avastmarks.com or at her fetlife profile. 

The session started with me completely immobilized in the CBT chair. While Mistress Ava made certain that the bondage was severe and inescapable, Mistress Victoria began to torture my nipples with her fingers and some severe nipple clamps. Mistress Ava is well aware that I am a total NT slut, and she had obviously shared this little tidbit with MVC. MVC told me that she would be in charge of my nipple torture and that it would be continuous and non-stop for the entire 3 hour session. Once I was secured to the CBT chair, Mistress Ava began torturing my cock and balls with electrical toys while also making sure that my balls were stretched as far as possible. This torture went on for some time, and I was soon completely lost in subspace for the entire time. Again, quality is the word that comes to mind. The technical skill of these two Ladies, the enthusiasm and fun they exhibited while torturing me, the way they verbally kept me engaged while they delivered some serious pain using high end toys all combined to give me a CBT/NT experience of the highest quality.

We then moved on to the bondage table, and true to her word, MVC continued to torture my nipples even as we walked from the CBT chair to the bondage table. Mistress Ava secured me to the table after first placing me in straitjacket, making sure that the jacket was fitted as tightly as possible on me. Once in the jacket and on the table, additional bondage was expertly applied making sure that I could not move any part of my upper body, not even my head. She then secured both of my legs straight up to an overhead bar and then used a spreader bar to keep my legs spread wide so that all of my ass was totally exposed. My upright legs were placed in additional bondage, and I could not move my legs or feet even an inch. Mistress Ava let me know that she REALLY dislikes a sub having any "wiggle room" at all. Again, throughout the entire process of securing me to the bondage table and my attaching my legs to the overhead spreader bar, MVC continued to make my nipples suffer severely with her fingers, nails and teeth. Once fully secured and with my legs and ass both spread wide, the Ladies used a number of anal toys on and in my ass, starting first with a speculum to stretch me out. Without too much graphic detail, let me say that I was stretched, used and abused in ways that would make any anal slut like myself deliriously happy. It was an amazing mixture of pain and pleasure, delivered to me by these extremely talented and engaged Ladies. Quality all the way. 

We then relocated to the St. Catherine's wheel, where I was placed into a severe, heavy leather sleep sack. Again, the Ladies had considered my strong leather fetish and they took my breath away by encasing me in the heavy leather sack. The sack itself, with me in it, was then expertly attached to the wheel itself. Yet again, Mistress Ava's bondage was so expertly applied and so severe that the sack would not move even an inch no matter how much I wiggled while on the wheel. There were of course various openings in the sack that were available to the Ladies that exposed my nipples, cock and balls yet again for their pleasure and my pain. I could not see, hear or talk while in the sack, and my mind and body were totally focused on the torture to my nipples, cock and balls that seemed to go on forever. 

Then to my surprise and slight shock, the Ladies rotated the wheel so that my body was now perfectly horizontal to the floor. The CBT now took the form of a Venus 2000 (I think?) along with vibrators on my cock and balls. Of course during that entire time, MVC continued with her unrelenting torture of my now very sore and very swollen nipples. Needless to say, and again without too much graphic detail, the session ended shortly thereafter. 

I was totally exhausted and totally content. I knew that I had just experienced an amazing session experience with two extremely skilled, experienced and thoughtful Dommes. They had considered my suggestions for the session (as given previously to Mistress Ava) and had clearly taken the time to plan the entire experience, even to the point of prepositioning many of the toys and equipment that they used in the session. 

They were both totally engaged with me throughout the session, and MVC later commented that she and Mistress Ava work together in a session like dancers in a well choreographed ballet. That is exactly how it appeared to me. 

We chatted for a bit after the session and I had every opportunity to ask questions and to share my thoughts with them on the experience. The Ladies were generous with their time, and again, I felt I was experiencing great QUALITY care and communication after the session.

Simply put, if you are looking for a QUALITY doubles experience with two highly skilled, engaged and gorgeous Ladies in a dungeon setting that will exceed your expectations then these are the two Ladies you should see. In fact, they are a MUST SEE experience if you find yourself anywhere near the Philly area. Hell, for that matter, they are well worth the trip from anywhere just to see them. 

Ladies, should you read this, thank you both yet again for one of the best BDSM experiences in my life and for memories that will last a very long time! I can't wait to do it all again!

www.avastmarks.com
www.victoriacayne.com

Stretched, Strap On, Sodomized Slut M

It is always daunting to know that you are fulfilling the shoes of another well known domme, who has recently retired. However, slut M's email totally stood out. I knew that they were up for the challenge of being pushed, completely used. Have I stated how SEXY a clear, concise email is? Within moments of arriving, I could immediately see the slutty submissive shyness upon slut M's face, and knew that they were going to be in for a ride of their lifetime. Indeed, I was right. Within moments, they were spread eagle on my medical table, straddled, spread, and stretched in every single hole...their sluttiness new no bounds. We immediately developed chemistry and knew there were so many ways to push them...that is when I knew Goddess Ava St. Marks, my partner in crime, was the perfect addition to slut M's training.

Goddess Ava St. Marks and I have unmatched chemistry. For both being so experienced and skilled in the scene, we both joke that "we have been searching for one and other our whole careers." It can't be further from the truth. From the first moment we played together, everything flew so naturally between us. A true slut and sub takes suggestions on what their Mistress believes is in their best interest. Slut M is a true example of that. Not to mention, part two of what will follow happened earlier today, and I am riding high off top space and the total power exchange that was this afternoon...

Enjoy...

I recently started seeing Ms Victoria and her partner Goddess Ava on a regular basis a few months ago.  I had been sessioning with other dommes in the DC area but one recently retired and there was not a lot of chemistry between the other so my search continued until I met this team.

I can honestly say that my search ended upon meeting these two gorgeous ladies.  My first session was with Ms Victoria alone and it was totally mind blowing.  I love medical scenes and strapon on play and I was taken to new levels with Ms Victoria.  She saw how much I needed and wanted to be a total slut and whore and took me there, making me surrender all of my orifices to her and her toys.  At the end of our first session I told her some of my secret desires regarding play in public and force- bi.  I felt so comfortable surrendering my body and thoughts to her. 

At that point she suggested a double domme session for next time with Goddess Ava and I said yes.  Upon arriving for the next session I was totally struck by how gorgeous the both were and how well they worked together.  I was so excited I could hardly contain myself.  I was introduced to enemas and totally stretched open with dildos and sounds as well as being electrified to the max.  As they continued with larger toys and more intense electric I begged for more and more and more.  My sluttiness knew no bounds.

  

During our last session I was introduced to Slave L and good looking male sub of Ms Victoria’s.  In addition to our regular activities, I was learning to suck cock and swallow cum.  Yum! I can’t wait until my next session with Ms. Victoria and Goddess Ava

 

Slut M 

 

 

 

A's First time Locked in Chastity for Me...

Again, we are continuing the path of trust and exploration outside of Our scenes. Chastity is something that greatly excites Me...A's journey has just begun...to be continued...

It’s been exactly seven days and seven nights since the lock clicked shut on my chastity cage. It all seemed to happen so fast. I’d fallen asleep watching a movie on my laptop and when I awoke at midnight I had an email from Miss Victoria Cayne instructing me to put my cage on and not remove it until she instructed. We’d been talking about it for months… And though it certainly had been an erotic fantasy of mine to relinquish control of my orgasms to a trusted Domme, little had prepared me for dealing with the actual realities of the situation I now found myself in. I was scared. Even though I knew my predicament would not be permanent, it felt like one of those ‘turning moments’ in life. For better or worse, this experience would change me somehow. It was a classic “Be careful what you wish for”, but I knew I was in safe and caring hands with Miss Victoria Cayne.

 

I hurriedly tried to do a bit of grooming--since I knew I may not have access down there again before I saw MVC in a little over a week--and on it went… *click*

 

All of my initial impressions of wearing the cage had been positive. I wasn’t sure what it would feel like or if I would like it, but it instantly gave me many of the comforting feelings that heavy bondage does. The first night was a challenge though. It mostly had to do with adjusting my sleeping position so as not to put direct weight on the cage. Eventually, I passed out from exhaustion--but I awoke a few times throughout the night straining or needing to adjust.

 

A breaking point came on the third night. I woke up around 5:30 in the morning--not because I had accidently rolled over onto the cage--but because I was rock hard. I felt myself straining against the bars and a sticky wetness was leaking all over my sheets. My body was in anguish, screaming for release--but my barely conscious mind felt almost euphoric. I tried to focus on my breathing to try and calm myself down so that I could fall back asleep. To my surprise and delight, I found myself whispering with each exhale: “This is where I belong…. This is where I belong...” It was as I expected: this experience was changing me.

 

So much of my experience with MVC has been this way. Before I met her, all my experiences with Dommes had been positive--but they had always been about exploring a particular fetish or unwinding before or after a stressful project at work. I’ve never felt before like a deep connection was being made. Like my Mistress was really learning who I was along with me on this journey.

 

Wearing this cage has been trying in many ways, but it has also seemed to give me a glimpse at “the real me”. Despite choosing a profession that requires assertiveness and leadership, I’d always felt submissive. (Some of my earliest elementary school memories are of trying to coax the girls on the playground to tie me up with the jump ropes at recess and a teacher having to untie me from a tree…) But I have never discussed these feelings with friends. And it’s not really something I had ever had the courage to talk about in my prior relationships.

 

Before being locked in chastity, kink was something I thought I could try and ‘pick up’ and ‘put down’. Now I was literally walking around with it 24/7, and feeling a sense of peace in my sexuality that I’ve never really felt before. Mistress said it right on her blog: “She has put me in the exact place where I need to be to know not only this is what she desires, but where I belong.”

 

I guess if I’m really being honest with myself, it’s not that I want to be locked in this cage forever…. In fact in many ways: I’m completely frantic to get out! I’ve never felt this turned on, teased, desperate, and denied in my life. It’s the longest I think I’ve gone without touching myself since I realized as a kid that touching myself was pleasurable!

 

So it’s not that I’ve realized that I need the cage on always. It’s that I’ve come to realize that I’m really always a submissive. That I find extreme pleasure in serving. Being in chastity is just one possible manifestation of that. Submission is not just something I like or find fun --(I like chocolate pie, but it’s not part of who I am)--it’s ingrained in my very nature. It is part of my sexual identity.

 

And that’s big realization! But not one I can fully process right now. Since as I said, it’s now been exactly seven days and seven nights since the lock clicked shut on my chastity cage. And despite whatever semblance of coherence I’ve been able to muster in this journal thus far, this week of denial has in fact turned my mind into jello.

 

My body has been giving me all little sorts of delightful signs that I need release. The leaking that had been so memorable earlier in the week has now become a near constant to the extent that I have begun to worry that a wet spot is going to develop on my jeans while I am out eating in public. This afternoon, I was sitting to use the bathroom when a single bead of thick cum oozed out of my entirely flaccid penis. I tried finding any mention of this on some of the chastity forums I’d begun lurking in this week for insight only to discover that I had had a ‘micro orgasm’. It was a sign that my prostate was full and that I needed to be ‘milked’. I had originally planned on trying to wear a plug a bit today and tomorrow to stretch myself a little before seeing MVC, but now my body is so sensitive that I’m worried the slightest stimulation could cause an ‘accident’. It’s like I’m developing new erogenous zones now that access to my cock has been taken away. It is an exquisite torment that part of me wants to never end.

 

Earlier this evening, I knew I was less than 24 hours away from seeing Mistress Victoria Cayne and that was helping me push through. I had a lot of packing and cleaning to do before my upcoming trip and I thought the time was going to fly with all the distractions. But then the emails started…

 

The first one seemed innocuous enough. It simply said, “Tick tock, tick tock....”

 

My heart skipped a beat. It felt wonderful to know that MIstress was thinking about me the evening before I saw her just as I was thinking of her. And even though her teasing words had a physical consequence as my cock began to once again strain against its enclosure, I was happy.

 

Things heated up more after dinner. I was catching up on the news when a new email flashed across my screen without warning: “Marinating..sweaty...haven't showered since this am...all to push you further and deeper into a submissive frenzy for Me… Where is your mind?”

 

Each of us was physically preparing for our play tomorrow in our own ways. Being locked away and denied access to myself was mine, and this was hers.

 

My whole body seemed to shake and tremble as my cock instantly swelled. Even though I was home alone, I stammered aloud, my mind desperately grasping for a coherent response to Mistress’s query. At one point, it felt so intense that I had to take an actual cold shower. But each time I returned to my laptop and saw her words I felt the subtle, dull pain of an erection that would never be. The ‘submissive frenzy’ she desired had begun and we weren’t even in the same room yet. It was a reminder that Mistress was more than capable of using my every fetish against me. And it was the greatest ‘mind fuck’ I have ever had.

 

Mistress then ordered me to write out some of my thoughts on this experience, which I’ve been doing my best to relay. Sometimes articulating what I’m feeling makes me so hard in my cage that I need to take a break--but MIstress orders me to continue through the night.

 

I passed out a little before 3am I think, and the cage woke me up around 6:30. I laid in bed for a few hours, quietly shaking in anticipation of the day’s events until my alarm went off at 9. Miraculously I'm not tired though. My senses feel dialed up to an eleven.

 

As I finish packing in the morning, my mind races as I consider the devious plans MVC has in store for me this evening. Will I be allowed out of my cage and if so will I be permitted release? What will it feel like after all this time? Will it be pleasurable or will Mistress ruin it? Will I be forced to eat it like usual? How much will there be? And perhaps the most important question: Do I even want this torment to even end?

 

I don’t even know what other activities Mistress has in store as I’ve left the session entirely up to her. I just know I’m in for one hell of a ride and that I’m so grateful to MVC for taking me on this journey and continuing to push my limits so that I can be the best submissive I can possibly be.


 

It's too late to turn back now...another one is locked up!

A while ago, I had written about an amazing path I have begun with an eager Boston toy. He originally had expressed interest in chastity, but our chemistry was so magical, within a couple of play dates, the Mature Metal device has been ordered, and thus, I have ordered him to put it on. He is planning a temporary move across the country, and is remaining in Boston a week longer to serve Me. He will be sleeping on the floor, with no furniture, and all his items en route across the country. That is devotion. In addition, he will be remaining locked up. I first had him try on his device for a couple of hours, to see how he did with it, and then kept him in it for longer....now it appears My training, his desire to serve Me, and become more of My owned property has taken over any doubts or fears he may have had initially. A few days ago, I ordered him to put it on (it is a heavy duty steel device from Mature Metal) and much to My delight, but not surprise, I received this email yesterday.

Needless to say, I am one pleased Mistress. I love chastity and have put him in the exact place where he needs to be to know not only this is what I desire, but where he belongs.

As written by him:

I'm 3 nights and almost 3 days in to my chastity sentence and already I'm noticing a difference physically as well as emotionally.

My first full day in the device, I was almost constantly aware of it's presence--now there are moments when I hardly realize I have it on. It's amazing how quickly something new can quickly feel a natural part of you.
 

I can't believe how completely I've succumbed to your control in the few months we've known each other. I'd always been a bit turned on by chastity in Femdom videos, but never thought that could be me. I can barely keep my hands off myself three or so days before a session, why would I ever want to lock myself up.
 

Now--as intense and sometimes frustrating as these new sensations are--I don't even want to be released before I see you. I'm content and excited that my denial this week is only going to make our play on Sunday all the more rewarding and intense. I'm happy in knowing that my struggle and frustration are part of your plan for me.
 

This morning I was awoken suddenly at 5:30am by my cock desperately straining against the steel bars of my cage and dripping all over my sheets. The only thought that kept repeating through head as I tried to calm down and fall back asleep for a few more hours was: "This is where I belong. This is where I belong."
 

Thank you for continuing to challenge me and for pushing me further than I ever thought I would go.
 

I can't wait to submit to whatever exquisite torments you have planned for me this time.
 

Yours,

boston boy

He does know this journey has just begun, but he has left the control to Me. It is only going to get more intense, the connection much deeper, and our journey more powerful. I am glad he is up for the ride.

Erotic thoughts from MVC...

I am writing an erotic story based on some of my thoughts that drive me. I can't emphasize enough; the most important thing to me is chemistry and trust. I crave to take you on the journey; trust me and you will find perfection. Activities aside, an open mind and willingness to travel the path with me are what I love. These are some thoughts from scenes of late, tied together, and written as they came out. I just used the fact I type over 80 words per minute to put them to paper! Just because these focus on certain activities, in no way symbolizes the only things I enjoy as a domme.

Now, indulge.

Days, weeks, before, they remain chaste for me. Locked; not knowing their fate, as I am the one who controls it. Every time my keys jingle, they wonder if it is going to be the time I decide to open their locked cock, clitty, or property of mine. Waiting, longing, yearning, lusting, yet knowing they absolutely have no control. Their pleasure, orgasms, are not for them anymore, for they are mine to take from them. Upon picking them up, I greet them, knowing what sexy things are underneath...and are all for me. I produce a special beverage, perhaps splashed with some of my golden goodness and seductive spit. I look at them, smile, and hand them their special breakfast. They immediately take it and guzzle it down, savoring every single sip, for I am entering inside them for the first time...

My toy is taken to the car, blindfolded, and then various toys are added to their predicament. Vibrators, another set of hands, insertables, all become a part of them, as I lead them to their first destination. I had been craving doing an outdoor scene, so I did some research where the ultimate kinky activities could take place of a private trail. I lead them by a discreet cock leash, all while whispering in their ear. Aware of the surroundings and the thrill of being caught, I lead them behind a thorny brush. I find a thorny piece of the branch, bend them over, and use it to force them to rub their locked property against the thorns, all while they are being vibrated, and pinched. They are so owned, any touch, even if it is painful that comes from Me becomes pleasurable. Since it is my desire to even things out, they are now bent over and lashed with the thorny branch...

Their owned, caged, cock, clitty is thrusting against the cage, while I use the leash to lead them back to the car, where they are blindfolded again and taken to the second destination...

Completely helpless and unaware, they are led to a private place, where every single toy I am going to use on them is available.  They are given an overall inspection, all the while while I hear their submissive pants upon my body. Whatever happens next is up to me...for they are my tabula rasa. 

This is just of their journey..for they are on the quest to an everlasting beautiful power exchange, where all they know is that they have to trust the sound of my voice, the touch of my body, my breath upon their skin. Their only option is to breath and completely surrender.

This is perfection...welcome to the world of MVC

New chastity Boston toy!

It is so fun to take someone on a beautiful journey involving trust, and guiding them to become your toy. These are thoughts from a very dear Boston toy, A, who had served several other Mistresses but lack of time and connection, did not allow him to serve someone consistently. For the past few month, A has made the time to serve Me each and every trip, and allowed Me to introduce activities that may not necessarily been something they wanted to do, but it was within their limits, and they just went with the process. This is what surrender looks like, and when a sub fully commits themselves to Me, it is magical for both parties. Now, fast forward a few months, they are going to become another one of my many chastity boys! Wait until you hear about part two...when they came to serve Me in My Philadelphia dungeon!

Enjoy!

Dear MVC—

Words fail each time I try to describe how amazing our last session was together. It was a lot of ‘firsts’ for me and I loved every moment. Each time I see you is more mind-blowing then the last. Each visit drawing me deeper down the rabbit hole and pushing my limits to be the best submissive I can be.

How is it possible to be so thoroughly used and violated by you and yet feel so totally at peace? How is it that you can use each and every one of my fetishes against me and yet all I want is to thank you and ask for more? Being completely bound, gagged, and hooded by your skillful hands while being teased to the brink of insanity and totally anally dominated are experiences I once thought I could only dream of.

You are everything a slave good ask for, and I feel so lucky to have found you. Thank you for guiding me on this journey. I can’t wait to serve you at your Dungeon in Philadelphia this week.

—Your Boston boy

What is new with MVC?

Thank you all for taking the time to read this! I have been so busy, in such a fantastic way. Traveling from city to city, playing with new toys as well as reconnecting with other ones, but I have been having a blast!

I have often been asked what are some of my favorite scenes, and again, I will repeat: CHEMISTRY IS WHAT MAKES THE SCENE HOT FOR ME. your ability to trust Me, which comes only from establishing a true connection over time. Yes, I love playing with my sluts who love to serve other Mistresses (you know who you are and I adore you deeply..wink) but those who seek a journey and an experience where you are pushed, challenged and brought down a path that is transformative on both ends is absolutely unbelievable.

If you can't tell how much I love this, please check out my video, which is listed under eye candy! By the way, isn't my new website awesome?!

Lately, Ava St. Marks and I have been doing some hot and heavy scenes with lots of bondage and complete ANAL DOMINATION. I am quite aware that one shoe does not fit all, but some of these have been so hot...so for those who dare...come and experience a truly indescribable experience!

I have also been getting a lot of requests for heavy degradation and humiliation. These are very cathartic and fun...over and over again I hear that "you are the one I have been looking for", and "no one can deliver and come up with a scene like you". I really enjoy pushing limits in all sorts of ways.

That does not mean I do not have a soft side, however. You fetishists, crossdressers, sissys, I love you too. One in particular...I think she knows who she is...and I am very excited to continue her training and our next adventure in Florida...

I will be adding some more session stories, but for now, please enjoy my newly revamped site, come play, and don't do anything I wouldn't do ;)

Best, MVC

embed Block
Add an embed URL or code. Learn more.
Strap on fun!

As told by My new Philadelphia Chastity boy...

Hello Mistress,

Words cannot possibly describe my opinion of our experience together, today.

I want to thank you so much from the bottom of my heart for allowing me to share the same air with you this afternoon

I have been in this scene for nearly 21 years and i must insist, that today, was by far, the best experience.

You knew exactly what drove me, what made me insane, and what i enjoyed....not to mention the perfectness of your beautiful EVERYTHING!

The internet does not do you justice, you look great on the internet, that is for sure, but in person is so much more.

You are/were perfect in every way...the beauty, the outfit, the authority you command...from the moment we began, you did not let up...commanding the much deserved respect.

I have been to many a dominatrixes in my life, from Philly to Poconos to overseas as you are aware of, and there is no doubt You are #1 in every category....from location, to beauty, to space, to command, to authority to interests and not to mention, you are to die over!

After 138 days, it took every ounce of being for me to last the nearly two hours without exploding, didn't quite make it, but what do you expect when you haven't cum since May, when you are with such a perfect being as yourself for two hours?

 

I hope we can grow our interests more, and for sure, i will be needing to see you again, as you now have the only keys i had for this device....

Was hoping to get out of the steel device today, but as you know, that did not happen.

Thank you again, for an experience i will surely never forget and i hope to see you again very soon.

For your viewing and reading pleasure...

This is an outtake of a shoot I did about a year ago. I am very pleased with most of my devoted toys, so here you go! Those of you know who isn't worthy of viewing this image. I also wanted to post some really great words, one of My newest favorite toys in Boston wrote for me! We had such a hot scene, the chemistry and connection was immediate on both ends! 

Thank you dear sub, I look forward to my next Boston trip!

"Thank you for an amazing session on your recent trip to Boston. It was clear from the moment the session got under way that you had taken the time to review our correspondence and tailor the experience to explore my interests while taking into consideration my limitations. The play felt personal and never scripted.

The teasing was exquisite and torturous. The bondage some of the most immobilizing I’ve ever experienced. I felt completely helpless, but happily didn’t experience any numbness or tingling from pinched nerves as I’ve sometimes had issues with in the past. I was amazed how many positions we were able to explore during the two hours.

The anal play was fantastic. I felt exposed and completely at your mercy. Perfectly forceful without feeling like any damage was being done. The electric stimulation was a new experience for me and easily the highlight of the evening. It was my first time sessioning out of a hotel room, but the amount of equipment and toys in your mobile arsenal left nothing to be desired.

You were incredibly adept at sensing when I needed to change bondage positions, have a gag adjusted, or needed a water break all without breaking your control or the momentum of the scene And the forced CEI at the end of the scene was a pleasant, unpleasant surprise!

Setting up a session with a pro-domme for the first time can always be a bit nervous-making, but you made the process as stress free as possible.  I look forward to hopefully many more encounters in the future. I'd love to pick up where we left off! :)"

Please take a moment to enjoy my new website...

Thanks so much to www.blackashconsulting.com , you are able to enjoy my new website! 

I am now based in Philadelphia, and share a very exclusive play space, with the one and only Ava St. Marks.

That being said, this is somewhat still a work in progress, on my end. 

I am keeping up my frequent travels to Boston, Chicago, and Washington DC. The west coast has been calling my name, so I have been also enjoying time in San Francisco and Denver.

Regardless, I am pleased to offer this great website to everyone, and please enjoy! 

As told by Providence/Boston Boot Boy; Hot Scene with MVC and Ava St. Marks

Absolutely loved the hot chemistry in this scene! It was -9 when we played, but none of us were cold! It has been such a pleasure to play with Domina Ava St. Marks. Please continue reading for the kinky details ;) 

I had the pleasure of meeting Mistress Victoria yesterday and had double the pleasure Of Mistress Ava St. Marks.  Both of these women are very powerful and had me eating out of the palm of their hands.  Mistress Victoria said together they are mind blowing and I could not agree more!  Both are highly skilled and powerful.  One look into MVC's eyes and I would have done most anything for her.  I love boots and both Mistress's wore beautiful black boots that I eagerly polished I could not get enough of either of them.  I am excited writing about it. We did some CBT, Strap-On play, spitting etc.  It was beyond my expectations.  My only regret was that we only had an hour.  We ended the session with both Mistresses pissing all over me which was hot.  I was not feeling that I could consume so only drank a little.  Next time I hope they tie me down and force me to drink some.  We also talked of exploring electricity.  Mistress Victoria and Mistress Ava said he looks so scared but that is what makes it exciting!  Unfortunately we did not get to this as we ran out of time.  This was my first double dom session and I enjoyed it so much it will be tough to go back to one Mistress.  If you are in Philadelphia or see Mistress Victoria travelling book her.  If she is with Mistress Ava book them both!!!  You will be wowed! 
        It was very easy to make the arrangement.  Both Mistress's were in step with me but respected my limitations and I put my complete trust in both of them.  I believe this was the hottest scene that I've done yet and can not wait to see them again. I hope I was a worthy slave!!  Can't wait for April when MVC will return to my area.

Double Fun with Ava St. Marks as told by My Boston Nylon Boy

It is so beautiful building a relationship with a toy, and adding another Mistress I love playing with to our scene. I love seeing the creative ideas Boston Nylon Boy comes up with for a role play that will push him further into subspace!
 
 
Miss Victoria introduced me to my first ever double-dom session with Mistress Ava St Marks and it was well worth the wait!

I thoroughly enjoyed being teased by Mistress Ava's leather gloves and Miss Victoria's nylons.

They were both in perfect tandem, honoring my role play request, teasing me as their nylon slave and keeping me on edge with my first experience being collared and put in a straightjacket. 

I was ensnared with them teasing my mind and body with their sensual, sexy voices and hypnotic stares. They kept me longing for more teasing and more predicament bondage.

Having had the pleasure of previous solo sessions with Miss Victoria and now Mistress Ava, I highly recommend both for solo or double sessions. They are highly intelligent and creative doms that as good by themselves as they are with each other, the perfect qualities for a winning team :).

Thoughts from My new Nylon Toy

I love it when I play with someone for the first time, and we just click right away. The chemistry is there; it truly does it for me!

I wasn't even expecting him to write something so kind, but here it is, and thank you Nylon Boston Boy! I look forward to many more times to come!

Wow was MVC awesome and personable. Even before the session began, she was considerate in wanting to go over my hard limits to ensure my comfort level and sensual domination request.

She turned sexy and seductive real fast. She put in rope bondage on the bed, blindfolded me—which only added to my intense tease and denial of not being able to see her—and kept me on edge.

She helped me realize my fantasy of teasing me in bondage, calling me her plaything and allowing me to explore my nylons fetish.


I look forward to more opportunities to share and explore more of my fantasies with her in the future 

"Your patience shows your devotion"--as told by t


"Your patience shows your devotion."

I'm kneeling when Miss Cayne says this, my eyes focused intently on the ground, knowing she expects me to wait until I am told to look at her.

She walks away from me, heels clicking softly on the floor for a brief time. Then the sound of metal brushing metal from behind. Leather squeaks. A soft laugh.

Again, the ominous click-click-click as she returns. Standing behind me, she grasps my hair in her fist, forces my head downward even more.

Whispering against my ear, she says, "You are ready to do whatever I ask of you simply because it pleases me."

It is a statement, not a question. 

It is truth.

I feel her power radiating out from her -- she is in control.

It's where I want to be, where I long to be.

Where I NEED to be.

Pain will come soon, all for her amusement, her pleasure.

But the surrender -- my surrender -- is now.

It is complete.

It is rewarding.

Freedom in thrall.

"Your patience shows your devotion."

I don't want it to start because I never want it to end. 

But it does, and it will, and I will be left waiting for the next opportunity to submit and serve.

Patient. And devoted.

BLACKLIST: DANIEL GOLD/MARTIN LAWYER

This gentleman is located in the DC Area. His address is 9124 Briarwood Farms CT. Fairfax, VA 22031. His telephone number is 703-309-6008. Email myexploringfun@gmail.com

He tried to book an appointment with me upon my last visit there, and was extremely demanding and did not listen or respect my limits. He is into FULL TOILET TRAINING and I explained to him he needed to listen to what made ME comfortable for the scene.

We agreed to set up to play for my next visit and I would stay an extra night to work with his schedule. We talked on the phone again today (which he did not compensate me for even though he said he would). Firmed up the time and spot and the uber would be picking me up at 8pm on 3/27. This session has been firmed up for over two weeks now, and after a perfectly fine conversation, he decided to call me back and say he is not "emotionally prepared" for the session. This person loves to talk, does not  listen, disobeys every single instruction and does not seem emotionally stable. He also tried to negotiate my rate repeatedly and invite a vanilla friend in the scene. When I said no, he would continue to push.

I have turned down several sessions to see him and worked with him. I gave him the benefit of the doubt. Save yourself the HEADACHE.

Please feel free to email Me with more details, as I could go on forever.

MVC

FRANKIE WOODS: BLACKLIST/BAD CLIENT

I am not one to publicly blacklist people, in fact, this is the first time I have shared this information publicly. MISTRESSES AND OTHER PEOPLE IN THE ADULT SERVICE INDUSTRY, BEWARE. Frankie Woods, frankiewoods@gmail.com . His phone number is 978-766-8768. Please message Me for details, but I am also attaching his picture. This is also being shared in other groups to protect integrity of the industry, and so other people are aware.
MVC

Thoughts on Chastity for Mistress Victoria Cayne as told by slave joe

This is a journey I have been exploring with this slave of mine for over ten years! It pleases Me very much to watch a slave grow. I know for a fact slave joe never thought he would be in this situation. Alas, I am very pleased, and he WILL have a tattoo of Me one day!
 
     i recently had a session with Mistress Victoria Cayne.  i was my usual nervous self, but Mistress put me at ease and the session was fantastic.  Then came the part of the session that i was uneasy about.  She had told me earlier that She felt it was time for me to prove my dedication to Her in some manner.  She decided that, due to my aversion of getting a tattoo, that it had to be chastity.  And that means wearing a chastity device. 
     Mistress had selected a device She would require me to wear.  It is made of silicone and comes with a lock.  It didn't seem like much, but the thought of me having to wear it all the time began to hit me as i looked at it.  Mistress would have preferred me to put it on at the session, but my balls were swollen and wouldn't fit into it.  She graciously permitted me to put it on in a day or two when the swelling went down.
     So it came time to put on the device.  It was relatively easy physically to put it on, but immediately after putting it on and securing the device, it became much more difficult mentally.  Not only had i locked up and restrained a flesh and blood part of me, but once that lock was put on i restrained a mental and emotional part of me.  i realized then that i am going to have to deal with this. 
     Mentally i already had one thing that worked for me and also caused some conflict at the same time. Beyond any doubt i want to please Mistress Cayne and show my dedication.  But at the same instant what lengths am i willing to go to so i please Mistress Cayne?  These are two diametrically opposite concerns.  One is obvious.  The other is realizing i have to wear something all the time, 24/7.  i have been getting over the second concern by simply knowing that i am doing this because i want to prove myself that i can do this and also do what Mistress Cayne demands of me.
     But there is another mental challenge in this, along with a few physical ones.  The dominant fear is what if i get caught.  What would people think?  What if i had to go to the hospital or something?   i got over that by realizing that was ludicrous and not going to happen.  The physical challenges are still present.  Sometimes it pinches, the balls get uncomfortable when walking or sitting, but those are minor things that now remind that the device is still there and why it is there. 
     i am feeling now that the reason i am wearing this is twofold.  One is to remind me of my place, which is too serve Her. i try to do my best at that, and often fail miserably at it.  i look forward to serving her in Person soon and trying to prove myself.
      The other reason is too constantly remind me of Mistress Cayne's dominance over me.  Giving Mistress Cayne my chastity means i accept Her personal and Female Dominance over me.  i am to control myself physically and mentally and follow Her dictates.  Wearing it is not a punishment, but a gift.  I feels it means She may want me to serve Her again.  She is now, by surrogate, reminding me constantly that She is there, and always will be as long as She deems me worthy.
                                                                                      slave joe