Thoughts on Chastity for Mistress Victoria Cayne as told by slave joe

This is a journey I have been exploring with this slave of mine for over ten years! It pleases Me very much to watch a slave grow. I know for a fact slave joe never thought he would be in this situation. Alas, I am very pleased, and he WILL have a tattoo of Me one day!
 
     i recently had a session with Mistress Victoria Cayne.  i was my usual nervous self, but Mistress put me at ease and the session was fantastic.  Then came the part of the session that i was uneasy about.  She had told me earlier that She felt it was time for me to prove my dedication to Her in some manner.  She decided that, due to my aversion of getting a tattoo, that it had to be chastity.  And that means wearing a chastity device. 
     Mistress had selected a device She would require me to wear.  It is made of silicone and comes with a lock.  It didn't seem like much, but the thought of me having to wear it all the time began to hit me as i looked at it.  Mistress would have preferred me to put it on at the session, but my balls were swollen and wouldn't fit into it.  She graciously permitted me to put it on in a day or two when the swelling went down.
     So it came time to put on the device.  It was relatively easy physically to put it on, but immediately after putting it on and securing the device, it became much more difficult mentally.  Not only had i locked up and restrained a flesh and blood part of me, but once that lock was put on i restrained a mental and emotional part of me.  i realized then that i am going to have to deal with this. 
     Mentally i already had one thing that worked for me and also caused some conflict at the same time. Beyond any doubt i want to please Mistress Cayne and show my dedication.  But at the same instant what lengths am i willing to go to so i please Mistress Cayne?  These are two diametrically opposite concerns.  One is obvious.  The other is realizing i have to wear something all the time, 24/7.  i have been getting over the second concern by simply knowing that i am doing this because i want to prove myself that i can do this and also do what Mistress Cayne demands of me.
     But there is another mental challenge in this, along with a few physical ones.  The dominant fear is what if i get caught.  What would people think?  What if i had to go to the hospital or something?   i got over that by realizing that was ludicrous and not going to happen.  The physical challenges are still present.  Sometimes it pinches, the balls get uncomfortable when walking or sitting, but those are minor things that now remind that the device is still there and why it is there. 
     i am feeling now that the reason i am wearing this is twofold.  One is to remind me of my place, which is too serve Her. i try to do my best at that, and often fail miserably at it.  i look forward to serving her in Person soon and trying to prove myself.
      The other reason is too constantly remind me of Mistress Cayne's dominance over me.  Giving Mistress Cayne my chastity means i accept Her personal and Female Dominance over me.  i am to control myself physically and mentally and follow Her dictates.  Wearing it is not a punishment, but a gift.  I feels it means She may want me to serve Her again.  She is now, by surrogate, reminding me constantly that She is there, and always will be as long as She deems me worthy.
                                                                                      slave joe